I'm so fucking centered right now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
