The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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