when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
