got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
