the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
