i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
