it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
