Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
