i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
