i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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