I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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