I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
