if you like me you must not know who I am
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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