That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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