I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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