Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
