You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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