I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
