went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
