hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
