i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
