I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
