Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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