I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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