I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
