You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
