i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
