i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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