I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
