you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
