Me too!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
