Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
