your thong is hanging out like whoa
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
