sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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