I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
