After last night, I could never be a politician.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
