Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
