oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
