he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
