i think i have two assholes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
