I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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