Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
