I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
