Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
