This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
