When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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