im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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