Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize