i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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