ya dads aren't the best wingmen
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
