Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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