Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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