no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize