And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
