When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
