You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
