DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
