I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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