but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
