god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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