so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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