Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize