Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
