I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
